Ah yes...#6: Stupid Shit they do in Apocalypse TV Shows...
 
posted 5/7/2018
 

Take Jeremiah. It's 15 years after the SHTF yet every one has dozens of candles burning! Candles! Where do they all come from? Elegant tapers, columns, tea lights... they just never seem to run out of candles. Even if your post apocalypse home was the Yankee Candle warehouse you'd run out of candles long before 15 years. As an old hippie I've made my share of candles. It's not as easy as it looks. These are not home made candles. If you did make your own how long before the paraffin ran out? Where would you get the wicks?

Then there's the gas... every good prepper will tell you that gas has a limited shelf life and it's not anywhere near 15 years. Yet they have stock piles of perfectly good gas.

What is this "age of innocence"? I'm guessing they are talking about 10 years old maybe 15. Have you met todays 15 year olds? Most of them are self absorbed vipers with an outrageous sense of entitlement who would starve without a microwave. I'm not seeing them rebuilding the world. The brilliant Geek kids who would know how to, would most likely be eaten by the bullies. And casting didn't get the age memo. The oldest any one of them should be is 30. Many of the actors look much older than 30. Theo looks like she's 20 but her personality is that of a hardened LA hooker who's well north of 40. She learned this where? No internet or TV or adults.

Where did the medical staff at Thunder Mountain go to medical school? How about that guy whos training was, he made house calls with his dad when he was a kid, proforming a cesarian with no drugs or medical tools! A few minutes later the woman, who just had her stomach and uterus sliced open and closed with fish hooks, is talking and smiling.

The Walking Dead is a detailed account of everything you should NOT do when the SHTF. NEVER follow a 'Rick". If you're lucky enough to get your hands on compound like a prison, clear the WHOLE building first. Reinforce the fence next. Brace the poles and park vehicles along the fence so the zombies can't push it over. As sad as life will be without bacon, do not make pigs your first attempt at livestock rearing. Goats, chickens and ducks are a much safer bet.

If you have a shit load of zombies trapped in a pit, DO NOT take them on a walk-about! It never ends well. Herding zombies is like herding baby goats. They're climbing on everything, tearing shit up, running off in all directions they are both very bad at following instructions. Block the exit and burn the zombies where they stand.

Jericho is another cluster fuck. If you see a mushroom cloud... don't stand there staring at it. Fill every container you can find with food, water and medical supplies and get under ground! Don't forget the salt! Take a chicken and a rooster with you. A chicken can survive more radiation than a steer... but you don't want to eat it or anything that comes from it ever again.

Do not believe any message that says the government is sending help soon. Soon is a very relative term. Do not have a bar-b-que with all the food that is defrosting. Fire up the gas grills and start canning. Slap a few old windows together and make a solar dehydrator. The kindest thing you can do for a person with extensive radiation poisoning is an overdose of morphine or a bullet.

Fear the Walking Dead... where do I start? Don't go to a country were you don't speak the language. If you're getting on a boat make sure it has sails. Never take on strangers. Don't let teenagers near the radio. People who have lost their mind need to be confined. If you are invited into someone's compound don't start trouble.

NEVER PLAY WITH ZOMBIE BEAVERS.

If you want to survive an apocalypse think Sara Connor.

 
 
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